we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
