That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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