Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize