oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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