Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
