I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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