you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize