he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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