Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
