bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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