my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
