dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
