I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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