my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
