The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
