hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize