we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
