conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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