Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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