i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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