So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
