i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
