I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize