I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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