I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
