Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
