youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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