so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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