I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
