Can i not drive my cunt home
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Randomize
