Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
