I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize