Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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