I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
