Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
