Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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