It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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