exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
