he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
