from now on my penis is your penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
