How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
