Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
