So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
