I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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