that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
