Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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