So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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