Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
