Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
