it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize