He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
