Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
