There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
