dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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