well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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