just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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