My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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