the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
