I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
