a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
