lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
