That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was CRYING into my vagina
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
