mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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