I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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