my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
