At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize