Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
