I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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