i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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