Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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