I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
