halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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