All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
