I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize