Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
