upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
