He asked to "fluff my boner.."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
