do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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