It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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