My liver just broke up with me...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize