from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
