I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just gift wrapped bread.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
