He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
